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Nick Renault

Whoa. You absolutely nailed it. I’m still reeling from reading this! I needed this brother. Badly.

Glad you enjoyed it Nick. I’ve seen far to many friends out of the game struggle, but unwilling to be honest with themselves on the struggles of retirement.

Carlos L.

Hey Brother! Miss seeing you out there, but the experience that you share here may be even more valuable to others in the future. I too have been blessed to live two lives in one lifetime. First have of my life was a “game” of sorts but with no future or retirement. for the past 27 years I have been privileged to work with people with depression, anxiety and lost dreams in the public sector. God has brought the right people at the right time to give me direction and purpose for decades now. I will keep an eye on… Read more »

ML Walker

Hope you find some peace and I’ll always be glad you got those rings. But you sound like someone brought up in the Christian faith. It’s not “Liberals” who ask you for charity and sympathy. The Christian religion demands that we be be charitable and sympathetic. I just want you to think about that for a minute or two, and thanks again for all the contributions in the World Series years.


Great stuff Huffy! Really hits at home with me! A lot of players do share this exact feelings. Not easy to shake but it can’t be done. Keep doing your thing!!!


Interesting read. Sounds like you exorcised your demons. Your tips for recovery are simple but effective. To paraphrase, men need to be mindful of the needs of others, namely their kids and families, and put their problems last. Based on what you wrote, you now understand that. The only thing that I would change is the vulgar language that you use in the piece. It simply is not needed or necessary to make your point. I think that part of being a Gentleman is working to avoid using vulgar language in public. We need to teach our sons and daughters… Read more »

Justin Newman

This is exactly what happened to me. It is so relieving to know someone else went through the exact same thing I did after finishing. Although I did not reach the pinnacle you did, I did get to play pro ball and after felt exactly how you described this.

Thank you so much for sharing and putting it into words for everyone to see, I truly needed it.

The Viking/Warrior Burial is a must and finding that next passion/drive.

Thank you brother!

I didn’t write this just for athletes, but for so many people out there dealing not only with retirement. But also a possible career change, or who are just trying to find purpose, meaning, and validity in their lives. Keep on keeping on bro!

Billy Stokley

AMEN Brother! Holy fucking shit… you hit the nail on the head. We spend all of our time trying to find that high… the competitive high…. the adrenaline, but it doesn’t exist. You will never find that same rush. You have to let it go… Try to learn who you really are, and be the best fucking new guy you can be… nice fucking post…

Kevin Pasley

Thank you Aubrey. Ringing true to my ears.


Great job Huffy! Love the 7 step! Thanks for being real while writing.

Being real is one of the things that has really opened up my life to be able to move on and transition. I was still wearing that fake athlete mask even in retirement, where I was taught to show no fear, or emotion. Being authentic has changed my life in an amazingly free way. Glad you enjoyed the piece my friend.

Just wow! Even as a former clubbie I have felt some of these things! Seriously! I will say in dedicating myself to my community, as a teacher and more importantly as a SWIM COACH, that is how I found MY new purpose, thought it took time! Much love brother, keep it up.

Jeff Yoder

Great piece brutha! Went through same. Never able to put in to words anywhere close to what you just did. I made it… you will to. Like when we played we need to Grind every day! Still remember when you broke my foot with a screaming liner in the Southern League Championship lol. Stay strong buddy!


Brandon L

Great stuff huffer..thx for sharing. Totally spot on and a great read!!

Adam LaRoche

I love the transparency my friend. Thank you for saying what most men don’t have the balls to say. I pray this reaches the guys that need it most. Gods knows there’s a lot of em. Great work and continue the fight. Holler if I can ever do anything

Adam, great to hear from you brother. I know you know the struggle is real. This piece is for every one of us. Likewise give me a shout if you need anything from my end.

Mark Waple

Why couldn’t you portray or be the man you became in retirement, while you were playing? I mean you state that once you stopped playing, ” ex-teammates barely returned my calls or even seem to care about me. I even felt like my family and friends started seeing me in a different light.” Surely before your playing days ended, a few or more teammates moved on from their careers. Were you one of those “ex-teammates who barley returned their calls”? Did you yourself treat family members, or friends differently while playing, than when retired? Don’t get me wrong, I am… Read more »


Wow my son was drafted in 2008. Naver made it up to the bigs but went through some similar emotions. Traveled from City to city in the minors and living life out if suitcase in the hopes all his efforts and talent would be noticed. When it finally was about to happen he chose to stay behind to attend his grandfather’s wake. A bigger man he was but allowed his turn to be given to some other kid with similar talent. I wish he had read this blog. He struggled and as a mother it tore me apart. He is… Read more »


Thank you Brother.

Mike Heath

Grade article. My name is Mike Heath I retired from MLB in 92. Believe it or not still struggling with all things from my MLB days. This article hit the nail right on the head baseball terms the home run. Thank you for sharing this I will read it over and over again

Greg Nolan

Wow this reads like right wing crazy talk blaming liberals. “Before I go further, let me be clear. I’m not asking for your charity or sympathy. That’s what Liberals do. I was blessed to live a life that 99.9 percent of the men on the planet would give their left nut for.” What a fucking prick. Maybe you’re dumb enough to believe in Heaven and Hell and snowflakes and macho men. Or maybe you’re doing this all to get dumb right wing nuts to buy whatever shitty book you are going to turn your sob story into. Do it all… Read more »

Greg Nolan

You are proud of sleeping around doing drugs and being an Alpha Male, and then when things go south you start whining and bitching and blaming liberals. Also you claim to have found god like all assholes do in the end. What a fucking prick.

David Chapman

I wish I had this advice when I medically retired from the minors over 20 years ago now. Like you, it took me a solid 5 years to start to turn things around.

Thanks for sharing for others.

Heidi Herrmann

Hi there. Full disclosure, I’m not a big baseball person at all, so actually had never heard of you (although I’m sure my Grandpa would have if he were still alive – loved the Giants). I stumbled upon your AMA on Reddit while searching for depression/anxiety/sobriety discussions and just was reading along until I saw the link to this article on your blog. While I am nowhere near a professional athlete, I found your honest account of the struggle of transition very relatable. I too am finding myself in a place of transition, 7-months sober and struggling with questions of… Read more »

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